Destructive envy reveals ones self doubt

[Written By: Dr LeCrone]

Last week I discussed a category of human emotions called jealousy which can be simply a part of normal human growth and development or unfortunately can become a serious problem in human relationships.

Now I would like to talk about envy, another category of emotion which in severe cases can distort, or even incapacitate, an individual's ability to function adequately.

Envy is one of the deadly sins which no one readily confesses. Although we find it unpleasant to associate with one who is jealous of us, we find it rare to find anyone completely free of envy. It is when we find ourselves unable to bear the good fortune of our families, friends, or colleagues that we must realize that the envy has become pathological and can destroy relationships.

Many authorities believe that rage is at the root of most envy and may stem from unhappy childhood experiences, those that are long forgotten and lie buried in the unconscious. The rage may be like waves eroding the self-esteem and making it impossible for the person to tolerate another's good fortune and success. Individuals who suffer from intense envy are usually very dissatisfied with who and what they are. Since they cannot perceive of the actions as envy, they believe they are only critically evaluating another's behavior.

Envious people tear down another's accomplishments by belittling or sometimes subtly uttering well-aimed negative comments. Have you ever gone to a person to share the news about your promotion? Or to show then a new car you have just purchased? Or, even to tell them about something your child has just accomplished? And the look of ambivalence you received made you wish you had never told them. Often it is a relative who seems to be the most envious and this person can drive families apart causing deep wounds difficult to heal. An envious person often begrudges another's good fortune because he feels the good fortune should have been his. Life has dealt him a cruel hand and he has become bitter, angry and unhappy.

To tame the green-eyed monster, feelings of self-worth and self acceptance are taught in the modification process:

• The individual must overcome feelings of inadequacy and inefficiency. The process is not easy and often involves the need for critical and realistic evaluation of one's own capabilities, both positive and negative.

• Many envious people have to be shown that they have much to be thankful for and that it is impossible to be all things to all people or to possess everything in life that is valued.

Jealousy and envy consume massive amounts of creative energy leaving the possessor with less energy and less time to accomplish the positive things in life that are really desired. Once the person realizes that jealousy and envy are negative wasted emotions, the change in behavior begins.

Overcoming the pathological feelings of jealousy and envy and keeping them within the normal bounds of emotions will make relationships more fulfilling and certainly make life happier.

Copyright c 1992 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.