Dr LeCrone
05-31-2006, 12:12 PM
Do you find yourself being led through life by "As Soon As" thinking?
Sample scenario:
"Things will get better as soon as I finish school". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I find a job". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I get a promotion". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I get my house and car paid for". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as the children grow up". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I retire".
Setting and achieving goals can help individuals move forward in life, however for many, satisfaction never really seems to occur, even when the milestones are achieved, these individuals rarely stop and smell the flowers. Instead, they keep thinking that happiness is just over the next hill, an elusive pot of gold or ship that never quite comes into port for them.
I'm not speaking here of those who recognize their accomplishments and ten enjoy the fruits of their labor. Those who can enjoy a sunset at the end of a rewarding day. A day that can be remembered by itself, instead of as a brief blur in time in a chase to some future utopia.
In counseling with those who are past mid-life and depressed, I often find that they make such statements as "I feel that life has passed me by" or "I never took the time to really get to know my children", "I never seemed to have time to make many friends", I never took time to peruse any hobbies". Most of these things were postponed and were to have been done "As soon as” these seemingly imperative and never ending hurdles were cleared. The sunsets marked the end of days which were viewed as imperfect obstacles on the way to "As soon as".
Many chronically malcontented individuals grew up in families where "As soon as" statements dominated their parents lives and became the foundation for their own thinking. "Father will take time to go camping with you as soon as I get a raise and then can take some time off work". "Your mother will be more patient as soon as your younger sister is older and less demanding of my time".
Fortunately, "As soon as" thinking can be modified by using the following steps:
• Listen to yourself talk and analyze your thinking. Become aware of and decide to change this pattern.
• Don't quit setting goals but instead recognize when you have reached a new plateau and then reward yourself by stopping to enjoy your efforts.
• Slow down; dampen your drive to healthier promotions.
• Periodically step back away from your daily routine and look at your life in a larger perspective. Are you really pursuing goals that will make you and those important to you happy or instead to gain acceptance, recognition or approval for some other reason.
• Don't decide to approach this problem, if you have it, "AS SOON AS" you have time or things get better. Start now and begin to see the positive results.
Copyright c 1992 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.
Sample scenario:
"Things will get better as soon as I finish school". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I find a job". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I get a promotion". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I get my house and car paid for". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as the children grow up". and then a few years later . . .
"Things will get better as soon as I retire".
Setting and achieving goals can help individuals move forward in life, however for many, satisfaction never really seems to occur, even when the milestones are achieved, these individuals rarely stop and smell the flowers. Instead, they keep thinking that happiness is just over the next hill, an elusive pot of gold or ship that never quite comes into port for them.
I'm not speaking here of those who recognize their accomplishments and ten enjoy the fruits of their labor. Those who can enjoy a sunset at the end of a rewarding day. A day that can be remembered by itself, instead of as a brief blur in time in a chase to some future utopia.
In counseling with those who are past mid-life and depressed, I often find that they make such statements as "I feel that life has passed me by" or "I never took the time to really get to know my children", "I never seemed to have time to make many friends", I never took time to peruse any hobbies". Most of these things were postponed and were to have been done "As soon as” these seemingly imperative and never ending hurdles were cleared. The sunsets marked the end of days which were viewed as imperfect obstacles on the way to "As soon as".
Many chronically malcontented individuals grew up in families where "As soon as" statements dominated their parents lives and became the foundation for their own thinking. "Father will take time to go camping with you as soon as I get a raise and then can take some time off work". "Your mother will be more patient as soon as your younger sister is older and less demanding of my time".
Fortunately, "As soon as" thinking can be modified by using the following steps:
• Listen to yourself talk and analyze your thinking. Become aware of and decide to change this pattern.
• Don't quit setting goals but instead recognize when you have reached a new plateau and then reward yourself by stopping to enjoy your efforts.
• Slow down; dampen your drive to healthier promotions.
• Periodically step back away from your daily routine and look at your life in a larger perspective. Are you really pursuing goals that will make you and those important to you happy or instead to gain acceptance, recognition or approval for some other reason.
• Don't decide to approach this problem, if you have it, "AS SOON AS" you have time or things get better. Start now and begin to see the positive results.
Copyright c 1992 Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D.