Dr LeCrone
05-21-2006, 09:13 PM
Several weeks ago, I discussed how a situation arose in my home that gave me a chance to help one of my children in developing her self-esteem. I would like to continue discussing this extremely important topic of building self-esteem in children. Helping our children develop strong, healthy self-esteem is the most important task of parenting. Children who develop healthy self-esteem are more likely to be able to cope with the stresses and adversity that inevitably occur in adult years. The child with a good self-concept is also much more likely to avoid the pitfalls of adolescence such as drug involvement, unhealthy relationships and delinquent behavior.
Helping our child develop a positive self-concept can’t be done overnight. Parents need to start when their children are infants by establishing a warm, nurturing environment. An environment in which:
• Positive forms of communication far outnumber negative ones. Sometimes parents may need to practice “catching” their children doing something right. This may be especially important for children who don’t have a healthy self-concept. Over the years I have heard many parents say “My child never does anything right, so how can I respond to positive behaviors?” This is often the core of the problem. The parents believe that their child is a black sheep, and the child fulfills the prophecy.
• Keep your promises – teach your children that they can trust you. This includes being consistent about limits and consequences.
• Try to start seeing your child’s mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than as failures. Communicate this attitude to your child.
• Show appreciation for your child’s effort on tasks rather than just the outcome of his efforts. (Examples: I like the way you’re working! Keep up the good work.)
• Remain aware that you as parents serve as models for much of their behavior. Parents who use a lot of negative thinking, who see their own experiences as less than satisfactory, etc. and then communicate these attitudes within the family are setting a pattern for their children to follow.
• Become an active listener to your child. Try to hear his feelings as well as his words. Preoccupation, “rushed” listening and responding with only yeses and nos won’t achieve the desired results. I’m convinced that listening – really listening – to what a child has to say is one of the most powerful ways we can show respect to our children.
• Keep your expectations reasonable and appropriate. Recognize the developmental stage that your child is going through. Don’t expect a 3-year-old to react like a 13-year-old.
• Involve your child in decision-making and problem-solving when possible and appropriate. And teach your child how to set reasonable, goals for himself. Help him see that he can make gradual progress toward his ultimate goals.
• Avoid making adverse comparisons of your child with his brothers, sisters or peers. You have to remind yourself that each child is unique and makes unique contributions to the family and peer groups.
• Spend time doing things with your child. Especially when children are between the ages of about 5 and 12, they seem to equate doing things together with being loved and accepted.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1987
Helping our child develop a positive self-concept can’t be done overnight. Parents need to start when their children are infants by establishing a warm, nurturing environment. An environment in which:
• Positive forms of communication far outnumber negative ones. Sometimes parents may need to practice “catching” their children doing something right. This may be especially important for children who don’t have a healthy self-concept. Over the years I have heard many parents say “My child never does anything right, so how can I respond to positive behaviors?” This is often the core of the problem. The parents believe that their child is a black sheep, and the child fulfills the prophecy.
• Keep your promises – teach your children that they can trust you. This includes being consistent about limits and consequences.
• Try to start seeing your child’s mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than as failures. Communicate this attitude to your child.
• Show appreciation for your child’s effort on tasks rather than just the outcome of his efforts. (Examples: I like the way you’re working! Keep up the good work.)
• Remain aware that you as parents serve as models for much of their behavior. Parents who use a lot of negative thinking, who see their own experiences as less than satisfactory, etc. and then communicate these attitudes within the family are setting a pattern for their children to follow.
• Become an active listener to your child. Try to hear his feelings as well as his words. Preoccupation, “rushed” listening and responding with only yeses and nos won’t achieve the desired results. I’m convinced that listening – really listening – to what a child has to say is one of the most powerful ways we can show respect to our children.
• Keep your expectations reasonable and appropriate. Recognize the developmental stage that your child is going through. Don’t expect a 3-year-old to react like a 13-year-old.
• Involve your child in decision-making and problem-solving when possible and appropriate. And teach your child how to set reasonable, goals for himself. Help him see that he can make gradual progress toward his ultimate goals.
• Avoid making adverse comparisons of your child with his brothers, sisters or peers. You have to remind yourself that each child is unique and makes unique contributions to the family and peer groups.
• Spend time doing things with your child. Especially when children are between the ages of about 5 and 12, they seem to equate doing things together with being loved and accepted.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1987