Dr LeCrone
01-03-2006, 01:57 PM
Last week we talked about the Jones family and why some families are healthy families and why some, like the Joneses, always seem to be in turmoil.
Healthy, happy families don’t just happen. These families utilize good communication patterns, avoid tense interactions, and treat each family member with respect and love. Above all, they plan and organize their time to ease tension and stress.
Here are some suggestions that have been found to be helpful for many families:
• Starting the day off right begins the night before. Clothes for small children should be laid out in advance. Materials for school or work should be organized and put in a designated place. Older children should select their clothes and, if necessary, bathe the night before. If the family needs bathroom space, this helps eliminate hurried morning schedules.
• To deactivate morning pressure points, family member must get plenty of sleep. Small children are frequently cross and irritable because they haven’t had enough sleep. It amazes me how frequently I talk to a young child on a school day, who tells me that he really enjoyed the late movie on television the night before. Adults, too, should develop proper sleeping habits. An earlier bedtime may reduce the possibility of sleeping through the alarm.
• Allow an extra 15 minutes to prepare for the day by setting the alarm a little earlier. Many parents find it helpful to set the alarm as much as 30 minutes earlier than the rest of the family so that they will have a quiet period at the first of the day. Determine how much time it takes for each person to get ready, and allow at least 15 additional minutes. Some stress can be reduced in this manner.
• Make each family member responsible for straightening the bedroom and making the bed. If this becomes a regular habit, it teaches children responsibility and self-discipline. At a very early age, of course, help will be required, but by developing these good habits early in life a young child develops a sense of belonging to the family and makes a contribution to the total family effort.
• A young child should learn to return toys to a certain place or area.
• Adolescents should be taught that the hairdryers, brushes and wet towels should be put in the proper place before leaving for school.
• After each family member is dressed, has had breakfast, and is ready to leave the house for the day, a cheerful parting will help to set the tone for a happy day. Try to remember what is important to each family member. Today may be the day Susie attends her friend’s birthday party, or it may be the day that Jimmy finds out if he makes the soccer team. It may be the day that Mom learns if she is to chair a new PTA committee. Family interest in the well-being of each person is important.
Then, if proper time has been allowed to prepare for the day and each person’s personality has been considered, communication can begin in a positive manner. Some family members may be quiet in the morning and prefer silence. Some may start the day be whistling in the shower and wanting to talk a lot.
This same principle of communication holds true for the afternoon and evening. Rather than starting off discussing all the problems of the day, it is much better to focus on something positive and reflect on the accomplishments of the day. The problems can be tackled later.
Many parents find it helpful to have the children play outside or go to another room when the parents first meet after their work day. During the 15 to 30 minutes parents have alone they can share a cup of coffee and quietly discuss how their day went. During part of this time the parents can begin to decide how they want to handle some family difficulties. If at all possible, they should set a goal for a family fun time in the near future.
Avoiding daily pressure points and family stress helps to produce healthy families. With a little practice and a lot of organization, nearly every family can achieve this state of life.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1984
Healthy, happy families don’t just happen. These families utilize good communication patterns, avoid tense interactions, and treat each family member with respect and love. Above all, they plan and organize their time to ease tension and stress.
Here are some suggestions that have been found to be helpful for many families:
• Starting the day off right begins the night before. Clothes for small children should be laid out in advance. Materials for school or work should be organized and put in a designated place. Older children should select their clothes and, if necessary, bathe the night before. If the family needs bathroom space, this helps eliminate hurried morning schedules.
• To deactivate morning pressure points, family member must get plenty of sleep. Small children are frequently cross and irritable because they haven’t had enough sleep. It amazes me how frequently I talk to a young child on a school day, who tells me that he really enjoyed the late movie on television the night before. Adults, too, should develop proper sleeping habits. An earlier bedtime may reduce the possibility of sleeping through the alarm.
• Allow an extra 15 minutes to prepare for the day by setting the alarm a little earlier. Many parents find it helpful to set the alarm as much as 30 minutes earlier than the rest of the family so that they will have a quiet period at the first of the day. Determine how much time it takes for each person to get ready, and allow at least 15 additional minutes. Some stress can be reduced in this manner.
• Make each family member responsible for straightening the bedroom and making the bed. If this becomes a regular habit, it teaches children responsibility and self-discipline. At a very early age, of course, help will be required, but by developing these good habits early in life a young child develops a sense of belonging to the family and makes a contribution to the total family effort.
• A young child should learn to return toys to a certain place or area.
• Adolescents should be taught that the hairdryers, brushes and wet towels should be put in the proper place before leaving for school.
• After each family member is dressed, has had breakfast, and is ready to leave the house for the day, a cheerful parting will help to set the tone for a happy day. Try to remember what is important to each family member. Today may be the day Susie attends her friend’s birthday party, or it may be the day that Jimmy finds out if he makes the soccer team. It may be the day that Mom learns if she is to chair a new PTA committee. Family interest in the well-being of each person is important.
Then, if proper time has been allowed to prepare for the day and each person’s personality has been considered, communication can begin in a positive manner. Some family members may be quiet in the morning and prefer silence. Some may start the day be whistling in the shower and wanting to talk a lot.
This same principle of communication holds true for the afternoon and evening. Rather than starting off discussing all the problems of the day, it is much better to focus on something positive and reflect on the accomplishments of the day. The problems can be tackled later.
Many parents find it helpful to have the children play outside or go to another room when the parents first meet after their work day. During the 15 to 30 minutes parents have alone they can share a cup of coffee and quietly discuss how their day went. During part of this time the parents can begin to decide how they want to handle some family difficulties. If at all possible, they should set a goal for a family fun time in the near future.
Avoiding daily pressure points and family stress helps to produce healthy families. With a little practice and a lot of organization, nearly every family can achieve this state of life.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1984