Dr LeCrone
03-30-2006, 12:43 PM
Two types of emotion, jealousy and envy, can range from being benign and normal to being malignant and unhealthy.
An individual honest with his emotions will have to admit he has experienced these feelings at some point. In the normal range, jealousy may have, according to some authorities, an adaptive purpose, that of producing competitiveness in an individual that then can lead to improvement.
But intense jealousy can produce real problems for the person harboring the jealousy and also for the one for whom the feelings is directed. An example might be a jealous marriage situation in which the husband or wife becomes pathological and violent. A high percentage of abused wives can attest to the frequency of displays of extreme jealousy before the abuse occurred. The jealous husband or wife often tries to persuade others of the “nobleness” of his or her jealousy by stating that it proves his love for his spouse.
The difference between normal and pathological jealousy sometimes is compared with normal grief and pathological mourning. Recurrence of pathological jealousy in adult life sometimes can be traced to unresolved conflicts in childhood. Consider:
• The child who gets everything he wants.
• The child who always has to win.
• The child who must always be “the head of the class.”
• The child who has never received a low grade.
• The child who must be told that he is the most beautiful.
The child who never has experienced failure or who is coddled over any insignificant disappointment will never sense frustration or defeat and will assume that life is always going to work in this fashion. When in adult life he is thwarted, he may feel jealousy, often to an unhealthy and malignant degree.
Pathologically jealous people may overcome difficulties by finding security in relationships. Overcoming the belief that someone is going to replace them or that someone else’s love is going to be all used up by the time it gets to them is often the task of a counselor or individual providing the help.
May times the irrational belief system of the jealous individual can be altered and the pathological feelings can be replaced with healthier ones. Sometimes the person must be convinced that perfection is not always desirable, that everyone has strengths and weaknesses and that each unique personality must develop the abilities and talents he or she has.
Around every corner is someone who can “build a better mousetrap,” but the competitiveness in striving toward building that “better object” must be kept under control.
Next week I will discuss envy, another emotion that frequently is seen in relationships. It, too, can be relatively normal or it can be out of control and become unhealthy. Working toward keeping it within the normal range is a healthy goal.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988
An individual honest with his emotions will have to admit he has experienced these feelings at some point. In the normal range, jealousy may have, according to some authorities, an adaptive purpose, that of producing competitiveness in an individual that then can lead to improvement.
But intense jealousy can produce real problems for the person harboring the jealousy and also for the one for whom the feelings is directed. An example might be a jealous marriage situation in which the husband or wife becomes pathological and violent. A high percentage of abused wives can attest to the frequency of displays of extreme jealousy before the abuse occurred. The jealous husband or wife often tries to persuade others of the “nobleness” of his or her jealousy by stating that it proves his love for his spouse.
The difference between normal and pathological jealousy sometimes is compared with normal grief and pathological mourning. Recurrence of pathological jealousy in adult life sometimes can be traced to unresolved conflicts in childhood. Consider:
• The child who gets everything he wants.
• The child who always has to win.
• The child who must always be “the head of the class.”
• The child who has never received a low grade.
• The child who must be told that he is the most beautiful.
The child who never has experienced failure or who is coddled over any insignificant disappointment will never sense frustration or defeat and will assume that life is always going to work in this fashion. When in adult life he is thwarted, he may feel jealousy, often to an unhealthy and malignant degree.
Pathologically jealous people may overcome difficulties by finding security in relationships. Overcoming the belief that someone is going to replace them or that someone else’s love is going to be all used up by the time it gets to them is often the task of a counselor or individual providing the help.
May times the irrational belief system of the jealous individual can be altered and the pathological feelings can be replaced with healthier ones. Sometimes the person must be convinced that perfection is not always desirable, that everyone has strengths and weaknesses and that each unique personality must develop the abilities and talents he or she has.
Around every corner is someone who can “build a better mousetrap,” but the competitiveness in striving toward building that “better object” must be kept under control.
Next week I will discuss envy, another emotion that frequently is seen in relationships. It, too, can be relatively normal or it can be out of control and become unhealthy. Working toward keeping it within the normal range is a healthy goal.
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1988