Dr LeCrone
03-30-2006, 11:41 AM
Research is teaching us that sexual victimization of children is not as uncommon as we would like to think. In fact, some studies show that as many as one of every four girls in our country is sexually victimized before reaching adulthood.
Although most of these girls enter adulthood with the outward appearance of a good adjustment, findings over and over again reflect that women carry the long-term effects – the emotional scars – of incest with them into their adult years. Moreover, many women live out their lives never telling anyone about the abuse, feeling they must keep “the secret.”
It seems there is no universal pattern of coping with or responding to the abuse. However, the following responses or difficulties are common among adult survivors of sexual abuse:
• Low self-esteem.
• Intense “free-floating” anxiety.
• Depression and sense of hopelessness.
• Guilt feelings.
• Feelings of isolation.
• Difficulty trusting others.
• Hyperalertness and constant vigilance to guard against being hurt by others.
• Strong tendency to blame herself for the abuse or anything else that goes wrong.
• Recurring nightmares.
• Recurring daydreams of what a “normal” family would have been like.
• Insomnia.
• Emotional numbing – feeling detached from everything and everyone.
• Negative emotions when physically touched.
• Self-destructive behavior, including suicide attempts, alcohol abuse and/or drug abuse.
With any combination of the above problem areas, it is easy to see why these adult survivors can have a great deal of difficulty with close, intimate relationships with other people. Guilt, anger and mistrust usually are the key emotions that keep these women from allowing close relationships and friendships to develop.
Many, if not most, women at some point blame themselves for the abuse. “There must have been something I could have done to have stopped it” or “I must be responsible for the incest because I wanted so badly to be loved.” These are common thoughts that continue to haunt these adult women.
Then comes the anger – anger at the abuser, anger at the parent who didn’t protect her from the abuse, anger at the legal system for making her feel like the abuser rather than the victim.
Finally, the issue of mistrust comes in. This includes mistrust of others who tell her they care about her, but also mistrust of her own emotions and instincts. Because of the sexual abuse, it becomes hard for her to differentiate between love, nurturing, comforting, emotional closeness and sex.
Fortunately, counseling can go a long way in helping to heal these emotional scars. In a counseling process, the women are allowed a safe place to express their thoughts and feelings without being blamed or condemned. They are encouraged to begin dealing with the anger, guilt and mistrust. They are then helped to make the transition from “victim” to “survivor.”
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1987
Although most of these girls enter adulthood with the outward appearance of a good adjustment, findings over and over again reflect that women carry the long-term effects – the emotional scars – of incest with them into their adult years. Moreover, many women live out their lives never telling anyone about the abuse, feeling they must keep “the secret.”
It seems there is no universal pattern of coping with or responding to the abuse. However, the following responses or difficulties are common among adult survivors of sexual abuse:
• Low self-esteem.
• Intense “free-floating” anxiety.
• Depression and sense of hopelessness.
• Guilt feelings.
• Feelings of isolation.
• Difficulty trusting others.
• Hyperalertness and constant vigilance to guard against being hurt by others.
• Strong tendency to blame herself for the abuse or anything else that goes wrong.
• Recurring nightmares.
• Recurring daydreams of what a “normal” family would have been like.
• Insomnia.
• Emotional numbing – feeling detached from everything and everyone.
• Negative emotions when physically touched.
• Self-destructive behavior, including suicide attempts, alcohol abuse and/or drug abuse.
With any combination of the above problem areas, it is easy to see why these adult survivors can have a great deal of difficulty with close, intimate relationships with other people. Guilt, anger and mistrust usually are the key emotions that keep these women from allowing close relationships and friendships to develop.
Many, if not most, women at some point blame themselves for the abuse. “There must have been something I could have done to have stopped it” or “I must be responsible for the incest because I wanted so badly to be loved.” These are common thoughts that continue to haunt these adult women.
Then comes the anger – anger at the abuser, anger at the parent who didn’t protect her from the abuse, anger at the legal system for making her feel like the abuser rather than the victim.
Finally, the issue of mistrust comes in. This includes mistrust of others who tell her they care about her, but also mistrust of her own emotions and instincts. Because of the sexual abuse, it becomes hard for her to differentiate between love, nurturing, comforting, emotional closeness and sex.
Fortunately, counseling can go a long way in helping to heal these emotional scars. In a counseling process, the women are allowed a safe place to express their thoughts and feelings without being blamed or condemned. They are encouraged to begin dealing with the anger, guilt and mistrust. They are then helped to make the transition from “victim” to “survivor.”
Harold H. LeCrone, Jr., Ph.D. Copyright 1987